Happy Halloween!

Okay then, it's been a while since I last cemented my thoughts on this blog. No matter (yes, begin your british-accent-thinking caps), this is where I make my first inebriated blog. That's right, my good good gooooood friends senyor Jose Cuervo and Absolut visited tonight. Let me tell you, sh*t (inebriated but still with some form of decency to censor myself), what a night. The host ended up getting too much alcohol-functional-group-based-beverage thus the rather early post (2 am, in case you're wondering. More often than not these celebrations sort of last till the sun comes up - no, we're not proud of it). Well anyway, here's a brief introduction of some of my good good, best best, and awesome some friends at home. They are my escape (and of course, you guys are my refuge: big difference, if I may add). I love these guys. Not because of all the crazy and innocent fun we have, but because we've been through enough (and not a lot) to call whatever this is a constant in forever. That's right, a constant in forever. Shit, gay statement, but what is happy (in all senses) but the simplest truth? Makes no sense, and yet my logic and heart are so convinced that this description is the only form of my realistic home, my conscience outside the conscientious. I say this because my friends aren't the sanest of the fruit basket. Speckled and sour at times but they always keep themselves inside that whicker surrounding, ready and willing to nourish my diabetic soul. I'd do the same for any of them, like I'd do the same for any of you. Anyway, as the -OH group continues to act upon my carefree and scatterbrained existence, I would like to apologize. Again, I apologize. I apologize, I apologize, I apologize. That's it. Too ashamed to mention what for. You'd probably know why eventually, but again, I apologize. Don't worry, this was not an event of utter weakness and succumbing to peers whom I need dearly, just a slight change in negotiations with one's self. I am a persistent haggler, so haggle I shall.

To sum it all in a petty, liquor-filled nutshell, I had a happy halloween. This is because I have come to a decision that myself is first, and the rest is 0.0000000000000000000000000000~(infinity) next to my selfishness. Perhaps it's time I need to learn myself. With that said, I would like to introduce myself through a couple few who have made "me" me. Just so you don't assume any unnecessary persona, two are smurfs (though I'm close to only one), one is sadako, two are army men, one is an indian, one is a geek, one is mr.bean, and I am (a jovial) peter parker!!!! :> (you can't really see the spider bite on my left hand).

 Happy Halloween!

PS. if there are any gross grammatical errors, by the wise words of Jamie Foxx, blame it on the booze. LAME

See you guys zoon plz

I just realized...

This past semester has been, in some ways, difficult and arrogant. Allowing this semester to stick it's foot out along the aisle that is my future meant that I succumbed to an ego that should have been barely noticed. I realized that I stumbled a lot this past semester. Getting back on my feet and orienting myself was a challenge I expected to overcome easily. In a hurry to end the semester, I quickly got on my feet and nonchalantly dusted off my shoulders. I felt like I did find my bearings, only to find out that in my haphazard ascent, I left something behind. This was something I never thought I had (only because I never bothered to see it in me in the first place). I claim to be a scatterbrain because I realize that I don't make the effort to be coherent. I say I am lucid. Turns out I'm looking through a glass full of water (not half empty nor half full). Vision is distorted when looking through water. What's worse is that I've got only one hand left to go about my daily routine of (in)sanity; the other hand's being used to hold the glass up. This ability of being coherent with thoughts, words (both when I speak and write), and actions has been knocked out of me. Now I find myself to be messy and TOO scatterbrained despite my efforts to peek out from the peripherals of the glass full of water. Left side. Right side. Like an inebriate. Scratching off the "do laps everyday" part of my checklist and replacing it with "find coherency". Yeah, the OC in me is being a real ass.

Typical Tuesday

Waking up to a sunless sky can be very discouraging. To see grey rather than yellow, and to hear the drizzle spitting on leaves outside my window rather than the chirping of little, brown birds can set a totally different mood usually expected from a typical Tuesday morning. The sound of my brother's alarm goes off at 6 in the morning. He's not one to waste hours of the day and I'm not one to wake up before dawn. He and I are quite different. His white, chinese, and pudgy appearance is nothing compared to my brown, smoldering good looks. Oh, and I like to make jokes (if you can tell) while he likes (or is forced to like) to be the butt of jokes. That's life, I'd tell him whenever he'd complain to my mom about me being an older brother, live with it. Then he'd run off to get his iTouch just to brag and taunt at my second hand iPod nano. Yes, I'm, for lack of a better word, a cheapo. I took my brother's nano the day he got his brand new iTouch. My old iPod wasn't working anymore and I wasn't in the mood to spend my money. See. Cheapo. Did I mention that he's 8 years younger than me? It's sad that a difference in a mere decade can produce a different strain of "spoiled". Papa I want an iTouch. And boom, it's a week's worth of bragging to me from him. Delightful. Don't care. I don't claim to be a modest, little, fluffy creature frolicking in the meadow of childish turkish delight and humble rays of golden-boy sunshine with disney-style bird-singing in the background, but I'm not THAT spoiled. (Excuse the overly described sentence, there's' something about falling asleep to black and waking up to grey that gets on my nerves). Anyway, today, classes were cancelled and I don't have the house to myself. Bummer. As if the sound of millions of droplets of water falling on tiled roofs (which should come another day or even better, never, 'cause people are suffering you bastard. Juan you are a bastard) isn't noisy enough.

I guess it's just one of those days. One of those days wherein the mustard is extra pungent and the portobello mushroom burgers don't taste as good. Had burgers for lunch today and it was just alright, and not all right. Days when the beautiful sizzling sound of pouring white wine over caramelized onions just don't do much. No excitement of taste buds, nothing. Eating a supposedly fantastic burger became a monotonous mechanical routine. Bite. Chew. Up and down. Drink water. Bye. Off to "rant" about today. Just one of those days. Of course, today was just an extension of yesterday's oddity. A good friend of mine invited me to do some laps with him at the club. I asked who else was going. He said his girlfriend (but all I heard was YOUR EX) is going. I asked why and he said 'cause she (again, I heard YOUR EX) wants to watch him swim. I laughed. He laughed. End of conversation. Grey. Not black. Not white. Grey. Don't worry, I'm over it. Not numb towards it, just bridge under the water and not water under the bridge (can't do much to change it either way). Definitely not defeated, just irritated. I'm fine. The mustard at lunch today was dijon and the burger patties were hand-made by mama.

Piss of brother extended the bidet out of the bathroom and decided to spray me. He's going to get it from me later. Older brother always wins. Another victory for older brother is with Little Bee. It has lots of "unsaid things". Sak2. I guess the weather makes it even more enjoyable to read. I have this spot in the house where I like to read and no one goes there. It's that living area where nobody really "lives" in. Most of the time, they walk down the stairs and head straight for the kitchen.

I sit on this cushioned whicker chair with my back against an opened window and my feet up on a coffee table, and read. Dad asked if I planned on going out today. I said no. He said oh, and left perplexed. Yes, at home I don't normally show if I'm feeling white, black, or grey (and no racist jokes please, though it is quite tempting). I just be. And they let me be. And then there's a bee (HAHAHA couldn't help it). Me not going out is me not being my(old)self. They'll get used to it. For fuck's sake I should get used to it. Oh, today's the day I decide to quit smoking. Done.

Typical Tuesday is just so grey. I'm looking forward to the best that ALWAYS comes after the worst. This may seem like a rant, but I think otherwise. Rants are whiny. This is different. I'm not whining, just thinking out loud. I am aware, and quite frankly, lucidity is power. Grey, black, white - they don't matter if you can't distinguish one from the other. I don't see a puddle of blur. I see each droplet of drizzle clearly. Cliche. Whatever. Victory. All right and not just alright.

Time

I haven't expressed much on my blog, considering that the past few weeks have been obvious seeds of expression; let's face it, they were trials of all sorts. Now that the mind is lucid and free of any academic dust, I thought to myself that perhaps it's time to tap into that untouchable conscious reality once again. I type this while watching Drag Me To Hell (funny shit, I must say), and I realize ((yes, I really do)) that I don't want to spend my break expediting the degeneration of neurons by bumming around and avoiding bath time (((I don't see how refusing to shower has any effect on my brain but let's just pretend that it does for hygiene sake.))). As you can see, academically preoccupied or not, I'm still a scatterbrain. Coherency matters only when the incoherent notice. So I'm assuming that you, the coherent (hopefully, in all aspects) reader of this blog, do not really care about this unnecessary banter with myself. I can be senseless if I want to.

Back to my realizations about the break, I have come to a pathetic ultimatum: either I teach my lazy-ass a skill or fester. Kinda gay to make a check list, but I'm pulling out all possible tricks from the bag for this break. Bare with me, 'cause simply conceiving this check list pisses me off. Limiting it to 6; not so big on  chewing on a big chunk of disappointment.

1. Take a photography workshop/s.
2. Do laps everyday (starting tomorrow 10/18/10).
3. Give Don Quixote or Pride and Prejudice a second chance.
4. Establish a daily routine (shallow, but I decided to include it 'cause I can).
5. Go out of town/hang with friends as much as possible.
6. Learn a skill or two.

Not difficult at all. Sounds like fun. On a side note, these Colgate commercials are fucking annoying. What kind of random dentist would pop out of nowhere and stick a foreign device in front of your face?! And what kind of idiot would allow some stranger in a white gown to do such a thing?! Fucking random piss off. Let's not sidetrack. Will keep you guys posted on how accomplishing this check list goes. (I'm pretending you give a damn hahaha!) So that this blog has some sort of substance, I challenge you to challenge yourself this break. You probably made a check list already, but circumstances are different: this time, you have the time to think about what to do with all your time. Time to time your time.




Just to spite you: time time time time time time. Hahahaha!